It's Phandalin!
by Bentleys and Bookshops
Summary: Trying to open your own restaurant in the city is never easy, especially when you're trying to claw your way up from nothing. Having a super handsome grim reaper thrown into the mix certainly doesn't help matters any. Taako and Lup are disaster roommates (though this is nothing new). Barry is the world's sweetest coworker. Something sinister is bubbling below the surface.


Phandalin, in its golden days, had been a mining town. The magical ores that countless miners had tirelessly unearthed through the years fed into the town's riches; towering, glimmering buildings, bustling markets, clothes of silk and satin in pastel painted shop windows…but that had been before the raids. Magic was as competitive and bloody a market as one could imagine.

Phandalin still had its snazzier areas, sure, but those hardly balanced out the subways dripping with Gods-know-what, the broken sidewalks, the "closed" markings seared into countless businesses' doors, the magic duels in the streets…it was nuttier than a straight dude's dating profile pics sometimes.

While parts of the city were less than gleaming, it could still be reasoned that these were the most colorful parts of town. The graffiti on the train stations and bridges and alleyways were eyesores to some, but if you really looked at them…man! There were some artistic vandals out and about! And the music played on the street corners by the bards looking to make some gold was enough to get anyone's toes tapping. It was this music that Kravitz was sauntering along to as he walked along one particularly uneven sidewalk in Phandalin.

 **11:48 p.m., February 20th**

If you had asked Kravitz if he loved his job, he probably would have shrugged. Maybe lay his hand flat and tilt it back in forth in a so-so motion. If you'd asked him if he even liked his job, he probably would have shrugged again, but with a little more feeling this time. It wasn't a career that he'd had much of a choice in, but it was his nonetheless. If he was being perfectly honest, he much rather would have been a conductor. But a job is a job is a job, and his job just happened to be collecting souls. It wasn't pretty, but there were a lot of ugly jobs in this world. On this crisp, bone-chilling night, Kravitz was on the clock, and he whistled as he worked. He had a bounty to collect in this city, and there was a possibility this could get…interesting. Liches didn't come around that often (thank the Raven Queen), but when they did, they were a force to be reckoned with. Magical, powerful, effectively immortal, and most importantly, _batshit insane._ And the fact there there were two of them in one city was troubling; they typically got pretty territorial. So as Kravitz walked along, the spring in his step was only due to the violinist on the street corner, and not to any lightness of heart. He was on edge, and rightfully so.

The street was bustling with magically-powered locomotives and horse-drawn carriages alike, the two different types of transportation somehow coexisting without any traffic problems. Ahead of Kravitz, on the sidewalk, two elves were walking hand-in-hand, and as he passed them, one of them said something in German that he didn't quite make out. Looking down at his notes, then back up again at the buildings he was passing, he figured he was on the right track. As he locked sights on a pawn shop, he smiled. He'd found his target; the building was small, with glimmering golden letters above the door: "Wonderland". All he needed to do was go in, do business, and go home early for a cup of hot tea and a good book. It was when he began to stride towards the entrance, however, that he heard them: the sounds of violence. They were coming from the alleyway between Wonderland and the potion shop next door. They were there, faintly, under the sounds of the city; someone was getting thrown about, was getting blows dealt to them, and by the sounds of it, was more than a little helpless. Forgetting his mission for a moment, Kravitz walked hesitantly towards the alleyway, and was almost immediately greeted with a sight that caused his heart, though it wasn't beating (and hadn't been in a long, long time) twist in his chest. Someone was, indeed, getting the absolute daylights beaten out of them.

 **10:23 p.m., February 20th (One hour and twenty-five minutes earlier)**

If you'd asked Taako if he loved his job, he would have thrown his head back, laughed airily, and replied, "Are you _kidding?_ Darling, my work is my _life._ Loving it is like _breathing._ " Then he most likely would have given you a flyer, or two, or three, and told you with dazzlingly bright eyes to look forward to "Sizzlin' It Up", a soon-to-be hub of activity in on the corner of Binicorn Ave and 9th. You couldn't blame him too much for the excitement, though; Taako Taaco, high elven wizard, was on top of the world. He had finally, finally gotten the money to purchase the building that was going to become his very own restaurant, he and his sister had just upgraded their apartment from "shitty" to "shitty—but with sparkles this time", and two of his dearest friends had just gotten married (he would deny it until the day he died, but he cried like a baby at their wedding).

He was thinking about how uncharacteristically wonderful a state his life was in as he rode one of the city's limo-length carriages back from the bougie little cafe where he currently served as a chef, to the scary part of town where he currently resided, and had been residing for nearly a decade; which, granted, wasn't too terribly long to an elf. He was set to meet up with the happy newlyweds, Magnus and Julia, for lunch tomorrow, and he was looking forward to it. He wondered how soon a pregnancy announcement was to follow; the two lovebirds wanted to be parents more than anything, Taako knew, so it was inevitable. Despite his aloof persona, Taako was over the moon with joy for them; and hey, with enough persuasion, he could maybe tempt them enough to name a hypothetical future child after him—or maybe just as their middle name.

A jolt from the carriage interrupted his train of thought, and he swore softly under his breath as he wobbled on the platform shoes he'd foolishly chosen to wear today (he liked to be tall).

"What's going on?" he asked, turning to the woman sitting in the seat closest to where he was sitting. She squinted hostilely at him and shrugged emphatically. Turning his head away to look back out the window, Taako saw what was holding up traffic. "Hachi machi!"

There was a wizard duel going on on the sidewalk, and the other carriages in front of them had stopped to watch. Pink and blue and green sparks were flying from all directions, and Taako couldn't quite tell in the shower of magic, but it seemed like there were more than two people involved. The previously only half-awake passengers on Taako's carriage now flocked to one side of the vehicle to view the skirmish, and Taako pulled a bag of chips out of his purse. What was a show without something to munch on? The fight was attracting a crowd of onlookers outside the carriage as well, and in the light of the battle, Taako could see that one of those onlookers was wearing a uniform.

"Hey! You three, stop!" she yelled authoritatively. She was a halfling woman, smaller than most of the spectators, but she was using it to her advantage. She weaved through the crowd with ease, reaching the front of the crowd in a matter of seconds. "I said stop!"

In a flash of light, she was thrown against the carriage, a full ten feet away. It rocked a little as she made contact, and its passengers screamed, Taako included.

"Oh, _hell_ no." Taako asserted loudly. " _Hell_ no _hell_ no _hell_ no." Grabbing his bag, he hurried down the steps and onto the street. He looked at the halfling officer, slumped against the carriage and blinking dazedly. "Hey, you okay?"

She took a deep breath and nodded, making an obvious effort to get her vision to focus.

"I-I think so. I…ah." She tilted her head and her neck made a 'pop' sound. Taako winced. "Yeah, I'm all good." she asserted cheerfully.

He bent and helped her up. As soon as she was on her feet, it was back to the crowd with twice as much vigor as before. Taako admired that; but rushing into things was the exact opposite of how he went through life. So with a quick turn, he walked away from the entire scene, because things were starting to get raw as hell; he could hear the sirens coming. He would rather walk home than get back on the carriage that was going to be sitting still for the unforeseeable future. As Taako's shoes clacked a little too loudly on the cobblestones in the direction of home, it began to rain. Natch.

It was a dark night, the kind that the flame of the street lamps didn't permeate quite fully. As the rain came down in all its glorious inconvenience, passerby on the streets began pulling out umbrellas, some ducking into nearby buildings for a safe haven instead. Taako kept walking, however, watching the rain drip from the brim of his hat. The light of the shop windows lit the way, and as he shivered in the rain, he had to remind himself that he was less than ten minutes away from his apartment. A sudden gust of wind blew his hat off, and with a loud swear, Taako chased it down as it danced down the sidewalk, opposite of the way he'd been walking. Before it could blow any farther, a man who had been walking behind him, one of the only other people still out on the street, yanked it from the air, handing it to him.

"Thanks, my man." Taako said as he placed the hat back on his head. The man nodded.

"No problem."

Taako continued his walk back to the apartment, following cobblestone twists and turns, cutting through damp, dark alleyways. About five minutes away from his apartment, his hat blew off again; this time, he was too quick for it.

"Ha!" he exclaimed as whipped around, grabbing the hat from the air. He felt a chill go up his spine as he saw who was about ten feet behind him on the sidewalk. The same man who had caught his hat before was still following him, his eyes locked onto him as he walked. Taako felt himself stiffen, and with a quick turn, continued walking, a bit quicker this time. After all those twists and turns, why would that man still be following him? He wanted to say it was just a coincidence, that he was being paranoid, that maybe the man just lived nearby! But a childhood of mistrust and _needing_ to be paranoid told him otherwise, and he felt his hand slide into his pocket to grasp his wand. As his footsteps quickened, he could hear the footsteps behind him quicken as well. He was so close, he could see the apartment building in the distance. He was passing Paloma's Bakery, he was about to pass Wonderland Pawn Shop—

He was shoved into the alleyway faster than he could pull out his wand.

The feeling of the back of his head hitting the pavement sent a shockwave of pain through his body. Through his suddenly blurred vision, he could see the man above him. Taako opened his mouth to gasp, but no air came out, just a strangled noise that sounded a little like betrayal as his attacker's boot made contact with his side.

"Shut up! Don't make any noise! Just give me your gold!" a gruff voice barked out. Taako was gasping, trying to sit up. His attacker's boot slammed into his chest. "I said give me your gold!"

Taako struggled to speak, nodding frantically. "Let—Let me—" He was clawing for his bag. "I'll get—let me get—"

The man snatched the bag out of the elf's shaking hands and ripped it open.

"Hey, there's barely a fuckin' thing in here!"

Taako cast Acid Splash. He cast it with more desperation and fury than he'd cast anything since he was very, _very_ young. And almost as if someone, somewhere, completely botched a dice roll, his Acid Splash missed his attacker completely.

"What did you just try to hit me with?" the man snarled, throwing Taako's bag down. "What the fuck did you just try to do, huh?!" He was grabbing Taako by the front of his shirt, yanking him to his feet roughly. "Oh, now you've done it. I didn't wanna do this, but now you've made me—"

"Don't!" Taako was squirming desperately in the man's brutally tight grasp. "M-My sister!"

The man actually paused for once, confused. "Your…what?"

"My sister…" Taako choked out. "I'm—I'm the only family she's got. Please…I don't say that often, but please, please don't take me from her…we're all we've got…" The tears in his eyes were mostly from pain, but they worked perfectly for the moment.

His attacker's expression softened into something almost sympathetic.

"Aw, buddy, that's so sweet…but I really don't give a rat's ass." His fist slammed into Taako's stomach, drawing another pained groan from the elf. Stars exploded behind his eyes as he felt the air leave his lungs again, and his thoughts scrambled. Was this seriously it? This was such a lame fucking way to die! A knee slammed into his chest.

Over the sound of the attack, Taako heard someone clear their throat.

 **12:00 a.m., February 20th**

This was not Kravitz's job. This was actually quite the _opposite_ of Kravitz's job.

He'd only really had two encounters remotely similar to this.

The first had taken place most likely before this elf's parents had even been born. Kravitz had come to collect a necromancer's soul, only to find that necromancer passed out on the floor by his wife's bed; said wife was in the process of giving birth. Kravitz, in his panic, had fetched a doctor and, in the end, forgotten to collect the necromancer's soul at all. He figured he'd write that one down as a lost cause and move on—he'd had enough for that day. The second encounter, the necromancer was already dying of an illness, and things just got…kind of awkward after that.

But this was new. This elf was, by all accounts, most likely completely uninvolved with this entire case. The last time Kravitz had really interacted with someone uninvolved with his work had been…well…he couldn't really remember at the moment. What mattered at the moment was that this seemingly innocent elf was getting the snot kicked out of him, and Kravitz was just standing there like a complete tool, dumbfounded and rooted to the sidewalk like a suit-clad, incredibly attractive plant. It was his job to bring wayward souls to their destination, bringing those who tampered with the laws of life and death to justice; it was certainly not keeping souls tethered to their mortal coil. But really…could the Raven Queen fault him if he took a few minutes to do some good?

He cleared his throat. The towering man who was currently pummeling the elf into the pavement whipped his head to face him. He turned to the side and spit.

"Erm." Dammit, Kravitz had wanted to sound cooler. "S-Stop that!"

The attacker raised an eyebrow at him. "How's about you mind your own business, bud?"

Kravitz stood taller, producing his scythe from thin air, his eyes turning red, the flesh on his face seemingly melting away to reveal the skull underneath.

"In the name of the Raven Queen, I'm gonna have to demand you unhand him, mate."

The elf's knees hit the pavement as the thug dropped him, eyes widening.

"Oh, not so tough now, huh?" Kravitz's accent was full cockney now. "If I were you, which I'm glad I'm not, I'd let him alone now, yeah?"

The once smug and aggressive man nodded wordlessly, suddenly looking much smaller, before turning on his heels and making a hasty retreat. Kravitz hummed in approval, before turning to the shaken man on the ground. "Oi, are you okay?"

"Am I about to die?" The question was lacking in fear. It simply sounded…blunt. A little curious. It was a vulnerable question simply seeking a quick answer.

"Wh-What? Why would you think that?"

"There's a skeleton in a three-piece suit standing over me? I don't—I don't know how else to interpret this situation."

"Oh?" Kravitz remembered what form he was currently taking. "OH! Oh my gods, I'm so sorry, hang on." His living—or at least, living-appearing—form returned to him, all dark skin and dark eyes and dark dreads with raven feathers tied into them. The elf's eyes widened.

"Hachi machi. I think I've definitely died."


End file.
